Okay so here's the dilly-o. Schloppy "news" article on Yahoo relationships page. Yeah, I know; shouldn't have been there in the first place. The article discusses in some detail the #1 reason men don't call a woman after a first date.
Ready for this? She is described as, "The Boss Lady" - he'd rather hire her than date her.
Well, there seems to be a gender gap of perspective between the guys and the gals in this, so let's explore.
Guys' perception: she is argumentative, competitive, controlling, not feminine, too independent, not nurturing, or some combination of the above.
Gals' perception: I am persuasive, capable, street-smart, organized, modern, confident, or forthright.
There are no tips for the men. But the following helpful hints and handy tips, of course, are directed toward the WOMEN. Ready again?
Soften your delivery. Some of the negative perceptions a man has about The Boss Lady are reactions to how she speaks and acts, not about her inherent personality. Toning down your conversation style ( I will not!) from combative or challenging to gracious, and even a little flirtatious, goes a long way. (I have to FLIRT with him, too?) And if you find yourself on opposite sides of an issue, try sprinkling qualifying words into your dialogue such as "I think" or "I wonder" or "maybe," which allow for disagreement but aren't adversarial.
Look like a woman. At work, conservative and structured clothing allows you to be taken seriously, but it's not exactly sensual by candlelight. Don't go straight from work in your power suit to meet him for dinner; rather, change into something soft and flirty. And try growing your hair longer: men told me that shoulder-length hair (or longer) is more feminine. Sure, you're a strong and capable woman, but think Scarlett O'Hara not Hillary Clinton. (falling over laughing - now whar did ah leave ma bonnet?)
Select what you need, not want. Like the Rolling Stones say, "You can't always get what you want, but you just might find, you get what you need." So think hard about the men you're selecting (no doubt I will). For The Boss Lady, a nurturing, giving type of guy can be optimal (been there, done that) (maybe he's a teacher or chef instead of Wall Street broker?). That's the opposite image of what most successful career women seek, but your best match might be a man who balances you emotionally: someone who is laid-back, sweet, surrendering, and patient. He might be just what you need.
Gulp. I've done it all wrong. I've been my authentic self, and this is totally wrong if I want to "catch" a man, Scarlett O'Hara style. Lordy, I'm over 35....used goods. Never catch someone being all over the hill, and whatnot....Sh*t, now what? Perhaps the beloved author of this article can help me further...
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Rachel Greenwald is the author of the new book "Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date." She is also the New York Times best-selling author of "Find a Husband After 35 Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School." Rachel is a frequent guest on The Today Show, The Early Show, CNN, National Public Radio, The Dennis Prager Show, and has been featured in "O" The Oprah Magazine, Fortune Magazine, The New Yorker, People, USA Today, and many others. Visit her website and ask Rachel a question at http://www.whyhedidntcallyouback.com/.
Thursday
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