The Fire Inside

MOMS DON'T GET A SALARY, BUT THEY SHOULD

There have been three times in my life when I’ve found myself speechless. I’m going to tell you about the most recent time because the previous two aren’t fit for public consumption.
And may god have mercy on our souls.

I enjoyed some milk and cookies with my son after school today. The conversation centered as it always does on what he did during the day, teacher issues, homework, and bathroom visits. I can’t fathom how the conversation managed to turn to sex, but it did with all the force of a high-speed-train derailment.

A short time ago, we’d had a perfunctory q&a when my son brought up the subject during Scrubs, at which time I clarified what exactly he thought he knew. Nothing.
We moved on, knowing as parents that the matter now was firmly in our space and thus would remain there.

I was surprised to hear sex over organic milk and Snack Wells, but I think I recovered. I’m sure I blinked several times.

Well, sweetie, I said hopefully keeping a strait face, if you don’t feel comfortable talking to Mom you must go to Dad. Any time. Don’t wait. Ask us anything you don’t understand. K?

Sure, Mom, but I already know what sex is.

My eyelids began sweating.
You do? What’s that? (my smile feels like the ones that are painted on Barbie dolls)

Well, the guys talk about it, so I hear stuff. (shrug)

(I’m almost over the hump. no pun intended. I could get off scot-free. no pun intended. I was doomed before I swallowed another bite of tasty crème filling)

What stuff, I stuttered.

The dam opened. Good god I’m in HADES and 9 year old boys are the DEVIL!

Well, X friend showed me a video that belongs to his mom...

A video? My voice squeaked. Really. What video, honey?

Well it’s a sex thing.
I interrupt wildly – did you WATCH the video?

No, oh no. I just looked at the cover of the dvd box. See, it’s his mom’s and he stole it and she has another video that X watched too. He grimaces. It’s pretty gross.

God, If I don’t die of a massive coronary at 41 I’m going to be so good you’re going to be so happy with me and you can test me anytime, ANY time you like, and send temptations for me to resist just shut Him UP...

How do I explain lovemaking and it’s friend, healthy lust?
In the meantime, I am thinking that my husband is a dead man for wantonly leaving me for ten hours a day to deal with this shit just so we can eat on a regular basis. Food is overrated anyway.
Ok, so you didn’t see the video, you are NOT to watch the video if X offers again, you tell him NO. Got it?

Uh huh. Curious eyes bore into me and I’m sure I can feel wind through my skull.

Honey, what’s in those videos isn’t for you (for now), that’s not how things are between adults who love each other (unless they're real creative)

Oh, it’s not with a guy and a girl, it was two girls who do it and X said later there’s a group of girls ...

JESUS! girl on girl sex videos and my son’s friend is never coming to this house ever ever ever again.

I hate trite sayings but I’m a deer in the headlights. (sorry, ladies) I have no spit left and I’m wondering what I have to say to WRAP THIS UP.

Maybe you should talk to your father.