Taxes and the Common Dolt

After working this week, I'm finding it hard to come up with anything coherent to write. Bear with me.

Overall, I've concluded that work sucks away my creativity. When once ideas flowed, humor was rampant, and the blog a gay place to put down all my devilish thoughts, now I can think only of how busy Monday will be and how many tax infants will want me to hold their incapable hands until April 15th. I'm feeling a little burnt out.

I don't think I understood how not-savvy people can be about their own finances, and how little they seem to care about this critical lack of education. Perhaps I knew, and only forgot. In any case, now I am getting the dose of full frontal stupidity that I guess I deliberately forgot existed in the realm of the masses. As it has been said, A person is intelligent; people are stupid thoughtless sheep.
Sheeple.
Aye.

I just have to say that if you dropped off your taxes for processing one week ago there is every likelihood that they have not yet been done. It's simple. There are fifty people in front of you. If you didn't make an appointment to meet with your CPA, you go into the queue in the order you arrived.

You are not special.
You are not more important than the lady who dropped her taxes off yesterday.
You will not be bumped ahead because you have been a client for five years.

This is the way it is. Please don't call me angrily twice next week shouting WE CAN'T HAVE AN EXTENSION! I don't care. I don't process your taxes. I just move them around the office. I will not put you through to the boss, who already works from 9 a.m. to 2 a.m. daily. If I do let you talk to him someone else's taxes will be delayed, and that means so will yours.

These are the dilemmas of my current job until April 15. This, and the fact that we do need your social security number to file your taxes. You can't keep it a secret and still file. So please, don't berate me about giving out this "secret" information to your CPA.
Don't make me arrange an audit.

Having said that, please don't stop by the office to ask me 'just a few quick questions' about your filing. I don't know that you had capital gains, nor do I know what that means for your 07 tax picture. I don't care that you sold your condo in Myrtle Beach, adopted a child, inherited a piece of property on Guam, or retired. I can't advise you on your 401k or tell you what the markets are going to do next. All I know is that I'm real glad I no longer work for Bear Stearns.

If you're a last minute Louie, don't give me a rash of sh*t about missing the March 31 deadline for guaranteed completion by April 15. *This* is patently not my problem. Also not my problem, The Patriot Act (yes, it's true) prevents me from telling you over the phone whether you are getting a refund or paying a shortfall. If you are paying, I will not immediately call my boss to come talk to you about why you are paying, or discuss your suspicion that he screwed up your filing on purpose just cuz he thought it was funny.

Oh, and remember that monthly newsletter your CPA sends out with handy information about tax law changes? If you can't take the time to read it eleven months of the year, please don't ask me whether it affects you or not in March.

I certify the above is true and correct.

Your humble tax servant,
Shira